Start at the end.

It is my belief that we must always take action toward whatever it is we want in life, if we are to be fulfilled. The journey is as important and meaningful as the destination, that’s for sure. Having said that, I want to address the value of keeping in mind our goal. This is not just so we don’t forget what it is, or so we can strive for an end point. Let me explain.

The reason that we should start at the end, so to speak, is to internalize a feeling. This is the feeling of what it will be like when we have achieved whatever it is we seek. You see, this ties in very closely with the law of attraction, which is as real and powerful as any other natural law, such as the law of gravity. The thing to remember with the law of attraction is that we attract into our lives whatever it is we think about, whether we want it or not. This is the hardest thing for most people to understand. In other words, if I constantly think about working toward my goal, that’s exactly what I’ll get; more working toward my goal. If, on the other hand, I constantly think about having already achieved my goal, that’s what I will get; the achievement of my goal. Does that make sense? It really works this way.

Now, in order to really own that thought of the achievement of what I want for my life, it is important that I adopt the feeling of it. So, I must feel what it is like to already have reached the goal. Another way to describe it is to act “as if” it is already here. Think about something you would like to have happen in your life. Now, think about what it will be like when it is reality. How will you feel? What will you see associated with the accomplishment of the goal? What will you hear? Spend time really getting a clear vision of all these things. Once you do this, you can keep these feelings as your present state of being. If you lose touch with these feelings, you can recall them at anytime. By doing this, you are keeping your thoughts on what you want, which is to reach the goal, not on what you don’t want, which is striving for the goal.

In addition to this, of course we have to put in the effort to achieve what it is we would like to have in our lives. That is for certain. In combination with that, however, we must create in ourselves the feeling of what it is like to be at the end. Then, our thoughts will be focused on the end. If we do this, we can operate from a state of mind that says it is already here. In doing this, we send out a positive affirmation that there is no way that it won’t happen. Contrast this thought process with one in which we do the work, but our mental state is one of hoping that it will happen, which is simply admission that we haven’t achieved it, but we hope to. Do you see the difference between saying to yourself and others “What I want is on its way and I’m in the process of connecting to it now” vs. “I’m trying to accomplish it, and I sure hope it happens…someday.”? There is a huge difference.

So, start at the end, keep your feelings and thoughts there, then take the actions that will bring that end to you.

Today I am grateful for starting at the end.

Don’t work too hard!

How often do you hear someone, when having a conversation with someone else, telling them “Don’t work too hard.”? It’s quite common to hear this, usually as a sign-off. However, it appears that relatively few people are heeding this advice. It seems like more and more people are working harder and harder, putting in more hours at their work than ever before.

I don’t believe that most of this is done in order to make ends meet, either. Clearly, some of it is, but much more of it looks like it’s simply a matter of people buying into some notion that working harder and longer hours is the thing to do. The problems with accepting this idea are many. For starters, putting in fifty, sixty or seventy hour work weeks leave little to no time for all the other BeMeBetter categories. Relationships suffer, health and fitness decline, spiritual connections are weakened, etc.

Furthermore, if someone buys into the notion of working too hard, it’s a whole psychology that tricks the mind into thinking that there is some sort of great reward for working at such a level. In fact, nothing could be farther from the truth. As I’ve written before, beyond a certain point, there is no correlation between income and happiness. So, even if you were to create the biggest bank account in history, you are not likely to be proportionally happier. If someone believes that by working incredibly hard, they will receive recognition that gives them a high level of self-esteem, they are also mistaken. Self-esteem comes from within, not from kudos at work or in a business achievement.

So really, working too hard just robs us of opportunities to have balance in our lives and enjoy all the different aspects of a fulfilled existence. In addition, people who work too hard are generally under quite a bit of stress, and the negative effects of health and fitness can be devastating. If you take a hard look at it, working too hard doesn’t have much positive benefit, but does have plenty of negative consequences.

Therefore, I encourage you to not work too hard. Set boundaries on how much you’re willing to do for your job or business. Of course, do a good job, a thorough job and take pride in your career. I’m not suggesting anyone become a slacker, because that’s not what fulfilled people do. I’m just saying that you can do good work in your career, and still make sure that you do an equally good job in all the other areas of your life. That’s what living a happy and fulfilled life is all about. It’s always about the balance.

In my opinion, there are far too many people giving in to the pressure to work harder and harder. And for what? Be aware of this phenomenon, and don’t fall into that trap yourself. Because there’s more to life than too much work!

Today I am grateful that I don’t work too hard.

The “Lifestyle” Diet

As I was taking a brisk walk today in preparation for the backpacking season, something occurred to me. Health and fitness are really all about the lifestyle we choose. The main reason I bring this up is because I have recently been researching the statistics on obesity in the U.S., and what I have found is absolutely alarming; 75% of U.S. adults are either overweight or clinically obese, and one-third of children and teenagers are either overweight or obese.

So, clearly, all the fad diets, books and weight-loss systems that inundate our lives are not working. Let me re-phrase; I’m sure most of them work beautifully. However, clearly people are not working them with any measurable and/or long-lasting results.

I strongly believe that the only way a person can shed pounds and not gain them back somewhere down the line, is to make gradual but significant lifestyle changes. Systems and programs are simply too temporary, and don’t get at the real root of the issue. I view them as “quick fixes”.

In order to make lifestyle changes that result in weight loss, a person can apply the “little changes, Bigger Life” mantra. I don’t mean bigger life literally either!

Now, I’m not saying this is easy, but it is relatively simple. Plus, for an overweight or obese individual, health and quality are at stake. So, it is very important to tackle this situation. A critical component of a lifestyle change is to orient oneself to doing something small and sustainable. So let’s say we have a person who is 50 pounds overweight. Most of the weight loss programs and systems immediately set some sort of goal; “I’m going to lose ___ number of pounds by ___ date.” I would much rather have the person not worry about pounds and dates at this point. Instead, they can create an action plan for change. One such change might be in the kinds of food they keep in the house. Healthier food in the house means healthier food in the tummy! Another great one is to make a commitment to some form of light (at first) exercise. Maybe it could be to walk around the block one or two times.

The main thing is that whatever is decided in the action plan must be achievable, sustainable and something that is not considered drudgery or torture to the person in question. So, let’s say our subject starts eating healthier because of healthier food in the house and walks around the block two times every day. This is a great start! Not only is that person likely to drop a few pounds fairly quickly, much more important is that they begin to feel good about their effort and the changes they are making. In this way, these small changes start to become who this person is. It’s not just some program or system that they are really not a part of. Do you see the difference?

So, I would suggest in this example that our friend continue walking around the block two times and having/eating healthier food for one month. Then, the action plan can be reviewed and amended for the coming month. Maybe the person likes basketball, so in addition to walking around the block (which might go to three times), they may commit to going to a playground or gym and shooting baskets for a half-hour. And on it goes.

By taking on weight loss as a lifestyle change, instead of trying some new program, meaningful and lasting change can happen. By doing this, a person starts to see him/herself as different and leading a new and positive lifestyle. This is the “lifestyle” diet, and it works!

Today I am grateful for health and fitness.

The Examples We Set

Living a fulfilled life is largely about being a living expression of positive human values such as integrity, kindness, tolerance and love. I am constantly aware of the example I set. Most of all, this example is for me, as it demonstrates the quality of person I want to be in this life. However, it is also for others. For example, I believe we should set good examples for children. This applies not only to our own children, but to any children. Actually, I suppose it’s good to set a good example for adults also, as it seems there is far too little of setting good examples demonstrated among adults. It’s a real concern of mine to see the examples set by too many public figures in our world today. This could be the professional athlete who gets arrested for drugs or domestic violence, it could be the politician who breaks campaign promises with no remorse, or any other person in the spotlight who sets a bad example. These are people who others look up to a great deal, and they of all people should be diligent about the example they set.

I certainly don’t think this applies just to public figures, though. In fact, I believe we all have a moral obligation to set the best examples we can at all times. I’m not perfect, nor do I expect anyone else to be. One of the great things about this is that admitting when I’ve made a human mistake is, in and of itself, setting a good example.

I encourage you all to examine the example you set with the way you live, think and speak. What type of influence do you think your example is on others? I also encourage you to demand that elected officials, professional athletes, and others who are looked up to, especially by young people, conduct themselves in such a way that they are a good example. This is critical is our society is to collectively move in a positive direction, and not in a negative one.

Strive to set good examples in your life. It’s one of the real keys to living a fulfilled life.

Today I am grateful for the example I set.

Small ticket items can be a big deal.

In our society today, there are enormous pressures from peers and advertisers to buy stuff. There’s nothing wrong with having nice things. In fact, it can be a great motivator to work hard, and many of the things we buy can contribute to our happiness. However, balance is the key in this equation. All too often, I see people overextending themselves to purchase big-ticket items like cars, houses, expensive clothes, or extravagant vacations. This can be where big trouble happens. To live a fulfilled life, it is vital that we resist the pressure to “keep up with the Jones”, and buy things that fit our budget and values.

There are many great techniques for stretching our budget, saving money and living within our means. One that I have found particularly valuable is to make a really big deal out of the smaller purchases I make. Let’s face it, there is an excitement that goes with getting that shiny new car, or buying some new clothes that look really great on you. Somehow, many people seem to believe that this excitement is only available for the high-dollar items we buy. Then what can happen is that to get that feeling of excitement, the purchase must be bigger and bigger. This is, in my observations, how some people rack up enormous amounts of debt that create financial disaster in their lives.

So, we can allow ourselves to be equally excited when we buy a smaller ticket item. What I have learned is that when I practice this, I can begin to get excited about even smaller purchases. It’s sort of the opposite phenomenon I just described about having to buy bigger and bigger things.

Let me give you an example. As you may know, I travel a lot by car. I also like coffee. So, I want a travel mug for my coffee. I use it all the time, and I like the fact I’m not wasting lots of paper cups and plastic lids. For many months, I had a $2 plastic mug I had gotten at the discount store. It was OK, but not great. Finally it broke. Just this week, I bought a high-quality, metal, insulated mug for $25. It is excellent! The coffee stays hot a long, long time, it’s easy to sip out of and built to last. All week-long, I’ve been just so happy to be drinking out of my new mug. I’ve paid it a lot of attention and I’m very excited to have it.

So, I can make just as big of a deal in my mind over a $25 dollar purchase as I do a $250 dollar purchase or a $2500 dollar purchase. I don’t consider $25 to be that small of a purchase, but certainly not a really big one either. Some people would consider $25 a rather large expenditure, and others would not even consider $2500 to be a big buy. Each individual needs to decide that for themselves.

By doing this, I may satisfy my desire for the excitement of having some nice new “thing”, and in the process spend one-tenth of the money I may have otherwise spent. I encourage you to try it. It really works!

Today I am grateful I can make a big deal out of a small ticket item.

Obstacles are for overcoming.

Whenever we are pursuing worthwhile goals in life, there are likely to be obstacles standing in the way of success. This is widely known. However, the interesting thing is to observe how people deal with these obstacles. For some, and obstacle stops them in their tracks. They may say something like “Well, I guess it just wasn’t meant to be”. Have you heard people talk like this? You may have even done so yourself. To others, an obstacle is simply something interesting, which is placed before them to test their cleverness, resolve, and which enables them to prove to themselves just what they are made of.

Which type of person are you? Do you succumb to obstacles? Or do you overcome them? I definitely used to be the kind of person who, when obstacles began to present themselves, would duck and run. I would use excuses to justify not digging deep for that extra motivation to get past them. I’m certainly not proud of this, but it’s the way it was at one point in my life.

For many years, however, I’ve accepted obstacles as a valuable part of the journey toward a meaningful goal. I see them as tests for me. In fact, I believe I learn more from overcoming obstacles than from smooth sailing. I do see them as interesting. It’s sort of like they are a puzzle to be solved, not some big “problem”. I find myself thinking, “Hm mm… what do I need to do here in order to make this happens the way I believe it’s supposed to”. I know there is a way. I just absolutely know it. With that knowledge, I keep trying until the right thing works out. And it always will, if I have the right attitude.

One of the most important aspects of all this is the “knowing”. In the past, when an obstacle appeared, I would immediately go to a place of doubt. Looking back, I realize that when I’m in that frame of mind, I have already severely compromised my chances of overcoming the obstacle. Now, I view the same situation with an inner belief that there is a way around, over or through this, and all I have to do is discover what it is. This approach virtually assures that the obstacle will be overcome, and I can then move on toward my goal.

I encourage you to examine in your own life how you approach obstacles. If you have that inner knowing that you will figure out a way past it, that’s fantastic. If you don’t, try it! Tell yourself that you know there is a way to overcome this, then start trying different things that seem sensible. I predict you will be amazed at how this enables you to continue on your journey, usually sooner rather than later.
I also predict that your self-confidence and commitment to your goal will soar when you do this. These are all very good things to have going on in your life.

Today I am grateful for overcoming obstacles.

Do What Makes Sense… (to you).

“You can’t do that!” “What will people think?” “Follow the rules.” “You don’t want to stand out.” “Be sensible!” “You’ve got to go along to get along!”

How many times have you heard such messages in your life? There are many other similar ones. Many of these we may have heard from parents, teachers, friends or colleagues. Have you allowed statements such as these to influence how you live your life? I know I have, and in doing so, have shorted myself on fulfillment of my life’s purpose. Let me clarify; I used to allow such statements to influence. I haven’t done so in a long time, and today I do what I believe is right for my life. Period.

I encourage you to do in life what makes sense to you. Regardless of whether it makes sense to anyone else, or if anyone approves of it, or likes it. If it makes sense to you, do it! Of course, I’m assuming that it doesn’t hurt anyone else or infringe on their right to live life as they see fit. Short of that, I strongly suggest to do those things that make sense to you, whatever they may be.

There are a couple of reasons for this. First and foremost, if you develop a desire to do something in your life, and it makes sense to you, it’s most likely spiritual guidance. If you don’t follow that, and instead do what other people advise you to do, you are allowing humans to influence your life, instead of your creator. Which do you think knows what’s best for you?

Second, if you develop a desire to do something, you have two choices; do it or don’t. If you do it, you are living your life as a fulfilling experience. If you don’t, you are short-changing yourself on the experience of a fulfilled life. You will most likely regret not doing whatever it is you wanted to do, and you will always wonder what it would have been like to do it.

There are so many standards that our society sets for how we ought to live “a good life”. In reality, a good life might be very different for different people. Who’s to say? Not me. Not your parents, teachers, boss, friends, co-workers or anyone else. Only you and your spiritual guidance can direct what’s right for you to live a fulfilled life.

I say, if it makes sense for you to move to a different part of the country, or to a different country, do it. Find a way to make that work. Do you have a strong desire to sail a boat across the Atlantic? Start making plans! Do you have a burning passion to do something different with your career? Don’t let anything stop you!

I acknowledge that there are sometimes many details to work out to make some of these things happen, and often there are other people to consider, such as family members. However, it can be done, always. One way or another, with whatever compromises must be made along the way, you can always do those things in life which make sense… to you.

Today I am grateful to do what makes sense to me.

Taking recreation to work.

Today was a fantastic day! I rode my motorcycle up to Santa Fe to work with a life coaching client, and also to work with some business executives who are coaching me on the development of BeMeBetter. It was a beautiful day, and on the way up I thought to myself how much of a difference it makes to be able to do something fun like ride my motorcycle as part of my workday.

It is possible and beneficial to bring fun and recreation into our work whenever possible. Now, I’m not suggesting that everyone run out, buy a motorcycle and start riding it to work. Lots of people aren’t interested in riding motorcycles. However, most people have hobbies or other recreational activities that can be woven into their work life, with a little creativity and imagination.

Let’s say someone has a hobby of birdwatching. Well, they could bring their binoculars to work, and at break time, step outside and see what birds might be around. Music can often be incorporated into the work day as well. I know some people who bring jogging clothes to work, and go for a run during their break or at lunchtime.

Think for a minute of ways you can take your recreation to work. There are lots of ways to do this, and the benefits are profound. For starters, by weaving some recreational activities into the work day, we can enjoy our job more, because it represents an opportunity to also enjoy something we love to do. In addition, most jobs have as part of their requirement, tasks we make not especially like to do, but are necessary in the performance of the work. If we include some of the activities we cherish into these tasks, they can be much more tolerable. One example of this could be listening to some of your favorite music while doing paperwork. You get the idea.

I encourage you to seek out ways to bring some of your recreational life into your work life. After all, fun and recreation represents many things we love to do outside of work. So, why not see if you can bring some of it into work? Not only does it help make work more enjoyable, but it increases the amount of time we get to spend with fun and recreation. That’s what I call a “win-win” situation!

Today I am grateful to take my recreation to work.

My spirit is all that I am.

We live in a society today which encourages us to buy into the myth that our external trappings, including our bodies, is who we are. Many people have come to believe in this, and multi-billion dollar industries are in existence because of it. However, there is one universal truth; we are only our spirits, nothing more.

The phenomenon of people believing that somehow their external trappings are part of who they are is especially prevalent in western society, and especially in America. We have been so bombarded with messages telling us that we will somehow be better, more complete people when we only get that house, or that status symbol car, or when we belong to the right country club. Beyond that, we are deluged with information which tells us that somehow we are what our bodies look like. Think of how much time, energy and money people spend on trying to look different from how they were created. This could include something as simple as changing hair color, trying to prevent hair loss, face lifts, eye jobs, nose jobs and all manner of plastic surgery.

The danger in heading down this road is that, somewhere along the line, you can begin to internalize a false belief that these things are who you are. When this happens, you grow away from a spiritual connection, and the world of the ego takes over. In this way, we not only believe that we are how we look, what we drive, or what our possessions are, but we begin to care about what others think of us. Enter “keeping up with the Jones”. This is particularly dangerous ground, because we start trying to impress others with who we are. The things we are trying to impress others with, however, aren’t even who we are at all.

Who we are is one thing; our spirit. The only thing that truly defines who we are is that which lives inside our body. It is not our body itself, and it is certainly not our clothes, what we do for a living, our money, house, or car. Think of it this way; the only thing that defines who we are is that which we will take with us from this life. Will you take your house with you when you leave here? Your car? Your business? Other people’s opinions of you? No. All you will take with you when you depart this life is what you brought into it. That is your spirit. It is the only thing in the universe which defines who you are.

When you really begin to internalize this knowledge, a spiritual connection is not only possible, it is assured. Moreover, the more one understands this truth and applies it to all areas of life, the stronger and more functional that spiritual connection becomes. And to be connected to that which created us is who we all are.

I’m not saying that there’s anything inherently wrong with having a nice car, or whatever. It’s just that the pendulum has swung way too far on this one. Instead of working so hard on all the trappings of life, thinking that’s who we are, we would be much better served with meaning in our lives if we focused on the reality that our spirit is all that we are. If people worked as hard at developing their spirit as they do at developing external trappings of their life, the world would be better served. Thus, there is no more profound expression of the human spirit than to serve the world, and make it a better place.

Today I am grateful for my spirit, for it is all that I am.

Every moment fun.

Consider this; what if each and every moment of your life, you were fully present and having fun? I mean, what if each moment, one by one, you were full of gratitude for that unique experience? Well, there is no reason, not a single one, that this is not possible. The only thing that can prevent us from living in such a way is our attitude.

From my own experience, and from the growth I’d had over the years, I can tell you that this is an amazing way to live. I certainly don’t do it perfectly, or all the time, but it is an ideal which I hold close in my mind and in my heart. When I am living this way, immersed in each moment of my life with joy and wonder, I find that all worries disappear. Matters of the ego are not present, such as status, judgment and the like. To me, this is the ultimate purpose in life, and that is to enjoy all of it, one moment at a time.

Let me give you an example. My day began in a motel room (as many of them do for me at this stage of my life). I always get up early and take time for reflective reading and meditation. These exercises are very influential in allowing me to be fully engaged in individual moments. While I was doing this, I heard something outside the window and looked out to see a pair of pigeons. Instead of saying “Oh, it’s only pigeons” and moving on to “more important” things, I spent several minutes watching them. They were just walking around and cooing, but I stood there in bewilderment at the miracle of their existence. I looked very closely at their eyes. I sincerely admired the sheen of their feathers and the rainbow effect it makes when struck by sunlight. I noticed their unique markings and marveled that in all the universe, here are two creatures living moment by moment. Ah, to be a pigeon…

Then, as I went down to the breakfast area to get a cup of coffee, I was fully aware of how I felt and what I saw, heard and smelled with each step I took down the hall. This was simply a walk down a motel corridor! However, that’s my point. I can either just walk down the corridor to get “somewhere else”, because after all, it’s “just” a motel hallway, or I can enjoy those particular moments as they occur. Moreover, I can fully enjoy and have genuine fun in those moments. The most amazing point here is that my day can (and normally does) continue like this throughout it’s entirety. It’s like living in some magical world where I notice things that I otherwise would miss. It’s not a magical world, but it is a miraculous one. In it, there are only two choices; have fun in those moments, or pass them by, thinking of something else. I suggest to you that the more fulfilling choice is to live in each moment as it occurs, and enjoy it for all it is.

Even within difficult, tragic or trying times, there are many moments in which we can have fun, enjoy and be fully engaged. It’s all a matter of our attitude and the choices we make. There is no question in my mind, however, that we were put here in this life with the primary purpose of enjoying it, and that means right…now.

Today I am grateful to realize that each and every moment of my life can be fun and is a unique gift.